long time no talk. I don't even know if people read my shit anymore, but I don't care. A diary is needed, these days.
I've come to realize just how HARD it is to find genuine, honest people. I mean, I recently 'broke up' with my BEST friend of NINE YEARS. I just couldn't deal with her not standing up for me, and continuing to be super close to someone who has betrayed me in so many unforgivable ways. Best friends just don't do that. I would never do that to her. If someone wrongs her, they've in turn wronged me. I don't make that person the bridesmaid of my goddamn wedding...
ugh fuck. I don't want to get into it. I just wonder...why do the majority of people suck? Why is it HARD to find people you can really count on, but so easy to find people who will bring you down? Life shouldn't be like that. Either way, i've just felt incredibly lonely, as of late. Yes, my boyfriend is amazing, and has kept me up in my darkest moments. But I can't keep leaning on him like that. I have no friends anymore! I'm just not willing to put up with shit from people. I am NOT the doormat, nor do I easily forgive and forget. I'm not the "second, third, and fourth chance" kinda gal. This has caused me to lose a lot of people in my life, but i've become a stronger person for it. And i've kept around TRULY amazing people.
Basically, I need friends haha. I feel lonely. I have my very(very) small group of cherished people, but I feel the need to branch out, network, befriend, etc. I just don't know how to do that. I feel like i've lost the ability to make friends. I'm just so AWKWARD! hahaha. It's not like 1st grade when you can turn to the person sitting next you, offer to share your juicebox, and it's instant friendship. People are meaner these days. And everyone is already set in their ways. Also, people are less open. So seriously, how do you make new friends at the age of 19?
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